Well I mean right now everything hurts....
For now. It will win in the end. But I have twenty years of being the jailer. And that's an encouraging thought.
Moment of tiny, staggering heart-break with Wren: we're at the park down the street. Usually I follow her around, helping her climb, catching her at the bottom of the slide. Today she turns to me and says "Daddy. Sit bench. Go, over there." And points. To the bench. With the other bored-looking parents. She's two and a half and doesn't need me at the park any more.
(Except that she totally did within, like, 3 minutes... but the thought was there.)
I haven't checked Facebook in a week. I feel weird, disconnected, and free. It's a little like not wearing underwear, I guess.
If I call any of you people out of the blue that's why.
This is a boutique kind of hell.
This is true for about 10-15% of children with stage II HIE. The good doctor was rather amazed. We got lucky, I guess.
Tube's still going in. Didn't help my constant second-guessing and nerves that the neurologist seemed surprised we were moving forward with this. He seemed a bit more understanding when we explained our ongoing feeding difficulties (low solid intake, refusal to bottle feed, etc.) but fuck I still hate it. I can hold on to this, though.
But before I go to bed I might have to go BREAK ALL MY FUCKING FINGERS OFF. Damn.